Four years ago when I decided to emigrate to Turkey, I didn’t take the cultural and lifestyle differences very seriously. It is a neighboring country, and it has a lot in common with my home country; Iran, so there was not much to worry about.
Both of them are Muslims, so I thought that there won’t be any religious differences. Being geographically close and exempted from visas for up to 90 days has made traveling to Turkey more convenient for Iranians and in recent years Turkish series gained high popularity in Iran. All these made me think that I was more or less familiar with the culture.
Was it really as simple as that? Was everything the same as in the Turkish series? My experiences were such a big No!
The Delusion of Turkish Series
Watching Turkish series would create a very luxurious picture of Turkey, mainly Istanbul in your mind in which all people generally run their own businesses and live in houses overlooking the Bosphorous. You would see women that all look like models usually dressed in western styles, and living their rockstar lifestyle! However, there is a gap between the imaginary heaven of the series and the reality which remains hidden until you visit the country or live in it!
From Models to Teyzeler
Instead of all those models and luxurious lifestyles that I used to see in the movies, I didn’t stop getting shocked by seeing elder women (locally called teyze) in the neighborhoods sitting in front of their doors talking to each other or observing the pedestrians.
As time passes by I notice more differences and I am not going to label them good or bad, I prefer to describe them and share my feelings about experiencing and living them. Here are some differences that I have noticed so far although in the long run after integrating into the culture I might unconsciously start to follow some of them.
The Baskets on Rope Will Draw Your Attention
If you are walking in old neighborhoods and someone lowers down a basket(or bucket) from the balcony of his/her flat don’t get shocked! That basket on the rope will win the attention of any newcomer to the city.
It was 7 in the morning and I was at the bakery to buy Simit which is a heavenly delicious local bread. While waiting for my turn in the line, I saw a basket on the window display of the bakery, and one of the people in line untied the basket and gave it to the baker. He put the bread in the basket and again tied it to the rope and the basket was pulled up.
It took me a while to figure out what is going on, but soon I found out that it is very common
practice in the old neighborhoods with traditional lifestyles. Residents of the neighborhoods usually the elder ones( locally called Teyze(woman) and Amca(men) ) instead of doing grocery shopping or buying bread by themselves put the money in the basket on a rope and lower it. They ask pedestrians who usually are their neighbors to buy the needed ingredients or bread for them from the corner shop or bakery and then they pull up the basket.
Cuisine and Dining Style
In Iran, we are used to seeing cooked rice dominating the plates( actually rice and bread are the staples) and we just add stews to the top of the rice and it’s ready to be devoured! However, in Turkey, only a small portion of cooked rice or bulgar is served usually as a side food and stews make the main portion of the meal.
Here, stews are less spicy and legumes are the main ingredients. In general, the consumption of vegetables and legumes is higher than in Iran, chickpea stew, beans stew, and lentil stew are among the most common and popular traditional stews.
When the first time at my workplace we were offered chickpea stew I couldn’t believe my eyes. Imagining chickpeas as the main food was one of the earliest cultural differences that I needed to digest. Because in Iran’s cuisine it is only an ingredient that we add to special kinds of soups.
Soup for Breakfast
Again I was a first-timer when I saw soup on the breakfast menu of the restaurant. In Iran soup is never served for breakfast, but here it is common, especially in winter.
The other evident difference in breakfast is that in Iran rarely cucumber, olives, tomatoes, or other types of vegetables are served for breakfast, and mainly a wide variety of dairy products and jams can be seen on the breakfast table.
Milk; not for Adults
It was quite surprising to find out that in Turkey only kids drink milk and adults only add it to their coffee or tea(rarely). However, in Iran, milk is as popular as fruit juice and it is offered for breakfast, or in the afternoon people drink milk paired with cookies. To have a healthy diet adults are generally recommended to have milk with dates as a snack instead of an evening meal.
Fork and Spoon! Single or Couple?
Not only the cuisine but also the dining manners and the way that cutleries are used
are different. In Iran, we use a spoon and fork as a couple and we use both for eating the meal. The photo will help you to have a better understanding of this eating style. However, in Turkey spoon is only used for soups and broth, and for eating rice, bulgar, or spaghetti they only use a fork.
Cubed Sugar vs. Powdered Sugar
In Iranian culture, cubed sugar is the most commonly consumed sweeter for tea. Cubed sugar is offered in the sugar pot together with cups or glasses of tea in the tray. We don’t serve tea with teaspoons because we don’t put it in the tea to stir it, we put the cubed sugar in our mouth and it melts itself inside.
Here in Turkey (like many other countries) they add powdered or cubed sugar into their cup of tea and stir it, that is why they all the time put teaspoons next to their cups of tea or offer sticks in the workplace. Some people told me that in Eastern regions of Turkey they drink tea the way Iranians do and that might be because of the shared borders with Iran.
Tissues and Wet Wipers
In Iran at every home, restaurant, company, and public place you would see boxes of tissues on the tables, however in Turkey seeing boxes of tissues is as rare as a hen’s teeth. I just saw that they sell it in some chain markets but never saw it personally at any workplace or homes of friends. Instead, they have stacks of tissues at workplaces or tabletop tissue dispensers.
The other interesting thing to see was wet wipers. Almost everywhere, every cafe and restaurant, and even when you order in, they offer wet wipers. Before the outbreak of the covid-19 and pandemic, wipers were not very common in Iran and still, they have different uses from Turkey.
Cigarettes, Almost Everywhere!
Almost wherever you go, you won’t be safe from the smoke of cigarettes. When you are sitting in a cafe, there are many people smoking at the next table, if you go walking along the sea there are some people smoking and walking ahead of you. Smoking habit is not limited to a gender or age group!
When it comes to smoking, It is generally thought that usually adult man smoke, however, it has never been like that and in recent years, more women and teenagers are inclined to smoke. Turkey is not an exception, too. Smoking is not limited to adults or men, and you can see it everywhere, especially at the seaside and popular hangout spots.
Even early in the morning, at 7 am when I walk to the spot where the school bus picks me I definitely smell the cigarette in a 10-minute walk let alone when I keep waiting at the bus stop! And I wonder how so many people can smoke on empty stomach early in the morning!
I wouldn’t say that in Iran people don’t smoke. All around the world people smoke but here in Turkey specifically in Istanbul where I live it is so obvious that it is almost impossible not to notice. Seeing people smoking everywhere made me curious to google the smoking rate by countries in 2022 to find out that Turkey with 29.30 is ranked 29th and Iran was not among the first 100 countries so I was right to sense the difference!
Are You Married? No Child?
“Are you married?” this was the very first question that I was asked whenever I met someone new or entered a new working atmosphere. Back then I was 30 and to be honest I was so proud of myself as a single woman who leads a very independent life and has emigrated alone in search of her dreams. At first, I tried to ignore this question, and very proudly I would say “no”! “I have many goals, plans, and high standards for my life, and getting married is not on my to-do list!” that is what I used to say in response to this question.
Even once, my students at high school asked me “miss why aren’t you married? and I heard one of the other girls commenting “ I do wonder, too. She is beautiful, why isn’t she married?”
However, over time I felt “the stigma of being singleton” in this culture. My personal perception from living here is that If you are not married, they pity you and look down on you. While in Iran especially in recent years not being married and leading a single life symbolizes modernity, independence, success, and achievement, in Turkey I totally faced a different attitude and it was not a good feeling to be labeled as “single”.
Once being an “honor”, now turned into a label that made me feel really desperate that I couldn’t express myself if I am single it doesn’t mean that I was not good enough to have a guy in my life to ask me out, it doesn’t mean that I don’t meet the standards of being a girl who can date someone, it is only my personal decision. I couldn’t express how different my attitude towards marriage is and I don’t consider it an achievement or success, I have my own plans and journey! Still, I can’t be very tolerant of this perspective towards marriage and single women.
The Dilemma of Concise or Descriptive!
When it comes to words, I meticulously scrutinize and analyze the sentences that I here. This is mainly because of my interest in the words and the meaning they carry and my belief in their powers and partially it goes back to the nature of language that I was educated and grew up with it. Persian is a very descriptive language and in Iranian culture, we string words to communicate what we mean. If someone wants to offer tea to someone else, they will have a conversation like this:
- would you like to have a chat over a cup of tea?
+ I’d love to, thank you so much.
- Thank You for accepting.
+ Oh, I enjoy spending time with you
- So do I. I have a lot to share with you
+ Ok, let’s have it.
Of course, the conversation and exchanged sentences change from situation to situation, but generally, it is long, descriptive, and detailed. However, in Turkey, the answers are more direct and concise. It has occupied my mind for a long time and I am trying to find the reason behind it. I can attribute this difference to the depth of meaning that words carry. Maybe in the Turkish language, different meanings are communicated only in one word, however, in Persian, they are not lexicalized and more words and vocabulary are required to express the same meaning. This difference in lexicalization leads to differences in conversation style and finally creates cultural differences.
Due to my high sensitivity to words, overcoming this challenge is not easy for me, and find it quite difficult to digest when I offer tea to someone and I just hear “olur” meaning “ok”.
New Year’s Eve in Turkey
Iranian thinks that In Turkey everyone celebrates the new year across the country. From the early days of December, you can feel the vibes of the new year! You can see decorated Christmas trees, Santa Clause and his deers everywhere, and the theme of the shop’s window displays changes to Christmas! New Year’s Day is a public holiday and it is only 1 day, unlike European countries that have two weeks of Holidays.
However, the reality is that despite following the Gregorian AD calendar, religious people in Turkey not only don’t celebrate the new year, but also they are against it. They believe that this celebration belongs to Christians and Muslims shouldn’t celebrate it.
Where Do These Differences Take Me To?
These differences might look nuanced, but they can affect the life of an emigrant substantially.
Sometimes I felt misunderstood, sometimes heartbroken, and sometimes lost in the cultural differences, yet I believe that it is the diversity that enriches the cultures and makes discovering life more interesting! I won’t stop discovering despite all the bittersweet experiences!
